Breaking the Cycle of Generational Patterns
When we’re around our birth family, we’re more easily aware of generational patterns, aren’t we? Ways that we've learned to behave, react, relate with others and to cope with living life from observing those who came before us.
Sometimes these patterns are positive and promote resilience and respect. Like honest, open communication, accepting responsibility for our actions, learning how to face difficult situations in the moment and counting our blessings. And sometimes they’re negative and promote dysfunction. Like talking behind each others’ backs, blaming and shaming, holding onto old grudges, and complaining. And especially with the latter, we can see how what is unhealed or unexpressed in older generations often filters down and adversely affects the younger generations who internalize and normalize these unhealed behaviors, thought patterns and habits.
But just as patterns and habits are formed and learned, they can be unformed and unlearned - no matter how far they can be traced back or how deeply they seem to be ingrained within a family.
Now don’t get me wrong - I’m not saying this will be easy and won’t require significant effort, willpower and faith to not revert back to the old, comfortable patterns.
But it’s possible. And the good thing is that it all it takes is one, single cycle-breaker to set that change in motion.
Like you.
Two of the first steps to unlearning these patterns are:
1) recognizing the negative patterns for what they are and
2) accepting responsibility for doing the healing work to undo them in your own life.
The key in recognizing negative patterns for what they are is breaking free from your attachment to the patterns. Especially when they’re deeply ingrained into the family structure, these patterns can entangle themselves into the identity of the family. Where the division and trauma is “valued” as something that all of you share in common and binds all of you together. It can get to the point where these patterns are thought of as normal, and there’s a resignation to the idea that “that’s just the way our family is” and things will never change.
And the key with doing the healing work is approaching it holistically in mind, body and spirit. Reprogramming your thoughts to focus on the positive and redeeming. Choosing different words and using them more wisely and kindly. Being more authentic, open and compassionate in your actions. And remembering always that you are a part of a bigger picture, responsible for what you are contributing to the health & wellbeing or disease & dysfunction of the family tree. That a single new choice on your part can take the destiny of your lineage in a whole new direction!
It's not the path of least resistance. But generational patterns rely on our consistency and discipline in keeping them alive and well. So in increasing our awareness of the patterns, accepting responsibility for altering the patterns, and then doing the healing work to unplug ourselves from the patterns, we can break the chain, not just for ourselves, but for everyone those patterns affect.
Generations in the present, generations of the future, and even generations of the past. You can be a game-changer: Opening the door to new beginnings for all.
