My Experience Ascending the Tree of Life

Today, I’d like to share with you my journey with Universal Kabbalah and how it began.  Even as I type these words, I am daunted by the task of somehow capturing this experience and all the ways in which I transformed into words.  I honestly don’t know if that’s possible. But yet I feel called to share in order to honor and experience even more gratitude for the immensity of gifts granted to me through ascending the Tree of Life. How it has empowered me to be who I am today - a version of me I never thought I’d get to be.

And perhaps it will resonate with someone out there who’s been searching all their life for a way to break free.  Free from the limitations of their subconscious, their programming, and the woundings of their inner child in order to ascend to deeper connection with themselves, with their purpose, with their gifts, and with God in all of God’s forms. 

That was me once…yearning to break free.  Longing to make sense of all this jumbled, “useless,” knowledge in my head and a way to reconcile all the strange, inexplicable things I had experienced throughout my life.  Since I was a small child, I knew my mind was powerful.  But that was what scared me.  I didn’t understand how to use that power or control it.  And so I tried to shut my mind down.  To numb it, to confuse it, to exhaust it, and, in effect, to hurt myself in order that no one else would get hurt. 

That was the essence of the default equation I set for my experience of life when I a toddler (around the time or not too long after the photo below was taken):

Protect others from me by shattering and scattering myself into pieces, hiding the key that could bring my true self back together- even, and especially, from me.

See, I can put that into words now. 

But well into my late 30s, I wouldn’t have been able to.  Even after decades of therapy, I could only talk about the consequences of it, but I couldn’t wrap my head around “it” – that was how far down it had been stuffed away. So far that I couldn’t be completely conscious or aware of what it was or what I was afraid of or why I felt the way that I did. 

At one time, that probably seemed like a victory, repressing it so as to prevent it from taking up so much space in my conscious life.  But that only provided the illusion of freedom, because it never left. It just got pushed deeper into my subconscious, where that default equation could then influence my every move, every thought, and every trigger from behind the scenes unchecked.

This was my motivation behind me majoring in Psychology in undergraduate and then moving to Austin, Texas to pursue a Masters and PhD in Educational Psychology.  We had a saying in my grad school department, “Work it out by working it out.”  And that was definitely true for me – because I sincerely wanted to work out the mess I had created in my life.  I wanted clarity on “it.”  And I wished for a key to provide a new order, a new schema, or a new paradigm that would make sense of the chaos and somehow magically put an end to the cycles of self-deprecation, self-harm, and self-sabotage.

I thought that when I finally found that key, I would write papers and books on it, lecture on it, and become a renowned expert and professor who would consult school systems and families worldwide to implement this golden key so that children wouldn’t have to suffer and go through what I did.

I thought I would find that key in grad school.  But I didn’t.  It would actually take 16 years – from 2002, when I first moved to Texas, to 2018, when I first embarked upon the Universal Kabbalah Ascension Journey – for the key to find me.

 I laugh now reflecting on why I chose to move all the way across the country to pursue grad school.  I wanted to make a difference in children’s lives, to let them know that they matter, that they belong, and that there are people who care, and I wanted to change the educational system to make it more inclusive for all to thrive.  That desire called me to Texas.  But even after grad school was over (the photo above is of me 1 year later in 2008), and that dream seemed to fade away, there was a bigger plan at work.  A plan that kept me in Texas long enough to discover the Modern Mystery School and Universal Kabbalah.

When I first learned of Kabbalah, it went over my head.  My training as an academic instilled in me the use of complex language, abstract thought, and sophisticated terminology.  But reading introductory books on Kabbalah in 2015, I found myself floundering ungracefully in the deep end.  I would practice reading 1-2 pages at a time, stop to reflect on those pages for a few hours or a day, and then re-reading those pages to see if anything more would sink in.  If I’m to describe it, it was almost as if my logical, rational mind hampered my understanding of Kabbalah.  Contrary to what I had learned to do in University, the less I tried to make it make sense in my head, the more I could actually begin to comprehend and receive not only what was written, but the energy behind what was written.

This understanding gained from my studies would soon serve me well in the actual experience of Universal Kabbalah 3 years later. 

While this isn’t a Kabbalah book, it was one of the metaphysical books I was rotating between at that time. At this sitting I might have gotten through a few pages…

Now why do I discriminate between the “study” and the “experience” of Kabbalah? I do so because, in my experience, they are two different things, particularly as handed down through the Modern Mystery School. 

The study is the absorption of knowledge regarding the glyph of the Tree of Life, the sephiroth and their correspondences, and the path, or map, that the Tree provides in understanding how the pure energy of Creation flows down from God, or Source, and how we, as creations of God, can return back home to Source.  And the experience is the energetic process of Ascension, bringing the contents of the subconscious into the Light so they may be purified, thus unburdening ourselves to journey upwards into higher consciousness and deeper awareness of Self. 

Not the self we know on the surface.  But the eternal Self that existed long before we were born on this Earth.  The Self who has not forgotten who we are, what we are, where we came from, where we’re going, and what our purpose is. 

The Self that is free.

To be transparent, I knew none of this going in.  Consistent with the translation of the word, Kabbalah, meaning “to receive,” it was revealed to me through the study and experience of Universal Kabbalah. Like nearly every step on my path of progression through my studies with the Modern Mystery School, I was taking a leap of faith.  I knew in my gut that it was right.  But how or why it was right? I had no clue.  But I trusted that through living my own experience, and in actually committing to my own growth and desire to heal, that it would all become clear in time.

And it did, in ways I could not have predicted and in ways I would never have dreamed possible.

Our class at the beginning of the Universal Kabbalah Ascension Journey in January 2018, Austin, TX

At the very beginning of the Journey, we’re asked to compose a petition.  A list of things that you wish to manifest and create during the journey.  I didn’t know exactly what this meant, but when I stilled my mind enough to clear away my doubts and egoic desires to be perfect, all that kept coming to me was “Self-Love.”  And so I asked for that. 

Please help me manifest and create true Self-Love in my life.

For me, that was a big ask! Huge.  And there were loud parts of my psyche that were in full disbelief that I could learn to love myself purely, and they let me know.  And interestingly enough, they got louder.  And louder.  And just as I’m wondering if something has gone terribly wrong or if I’m doing Kabbalah incorrectly, I realize why they’ve gotten so loud:  So I can no longer ignore them.  So I can stop stuffing them down once and for all and raise them up to the light.  So I can finally see them for what they are and how they do not belong in my life…and then let them go.

For when you’ve lived with something, or a belief about yourself, for your whole life, it can feel like there’s no other way it can be.

It is how it is.

But through my study and experience of Universal Kabbalah, that began to unravel.  And everything began “detangling” as my largely false understanding of who I am, the events of my past, and the purpose of my life rose into the light and into clarity. This photo is from April of 2018, in the midst of this alchemy.

And I began letting go of countless thought patterns, identities, core beliefs, and personas that no longer served a positive purpose in my life. Things I had never been able to let go of because I wasn’t even aware they were there.

And it is through this deep, inner cleansing that I began to see myself, the world, and my place in it, from a brand new perspective. A new tangible sense of who I was becoming was emerging!

I witnessed this happening for all of us within the Tree. Forging ahead as a community of approximately 40 students over the next 12 months, and facing the truth of ourselves as we studied, experienced, and let go, we all began transforming in amazing and truly spectacular ways.  Through our dedication and hard work, the things that have always stopped us began disappearing.  Disappearing because they no longer belonged in our worlds.  Disappearing because we no longer allowed them in our worlds.  And as they disappeared, our lives became simpler, less chaotic, less unpredictable, and more authentic.  Experiencing life, more and more, from the eagle eye perspective and taking in a much bigger picture of what the world can be and then creating our lives in a way that manifests that possibility.  Making our Highest Good so.  And learning to know, and to align with, the Mind and the Will of God as a way of being.

A significant fruit of my journey through Universal Kabbalah in 2018 was moving from Texas back to Michigan on January 1, 2019. 

“It’s time to move Home, Jonathan.”  This message first appeared during a meditation in the 1st month, and it completely took me by surprise. I quickly wrote it off and told no one about it.  After all, I had been in Texas for 16 years, I had helped build this amazing spiritual community of Initiates from dozens to hundreds in just 3 years, and I felt like I was finally living my life’s calling from God.  Why would it be time for me to leave?  Why would God be calling me elsewhere?

It made no sense to my mind, and so kept telling myself that I was just misunderstanding the message.

But then it came again…and again…and about 8 months in, the message was popping up not only in my meditations and dreams, but cryptically on billboards, in songs, in conversations, in movies…everywhere.  The guidance was on full blast! But even then, I continued rejecting the message and said not a word to anyone.  Then one day, almost 9 months into the Journey, my mentor and Kabbalah teacher, Martina, pulled me aside and asked if I was considering moving back home….and I experienced a huge release.  She had spoken it into existence and I couldn’t deny it anymore.  And it felt good to stop denying it…because it was true. And I could finally receive the power in the message. So like a reed in the wind, I relented to the Tree of Life serving me to find my way Home, both spiritually and physically.

It immediately became clear that I was going to be moving home by the end of the year – just 3 1/2 months away!  This epiphany was yet another curveball and had my brain wondering at all the loose ends that needed tying up and how it could all possibly happen in that time frame…

But it did.  And it happened easily.

Everyone understood with no issues.  All the obstacles I would’ve created in the past – difficulty finding a renter to take over my sublease, procrastinating and not packing until the last minute - just never materialized.  I was aligned with my Higher Good, living in the flow of God’s Will. 

And funny enough, every time I went into meditation to seek clarity on what was coming next and what I was supposed to do in Michigan, I would consistently get the firm and loving message, “Why worry about Michigan when you’re not there yet? Be where you are. Enjoy the moment.” 

So I allowed myself to live the best 3 months of my entire time in Texas and I loved every single minute of it.

Another significant fruit from my first experience ascending the Tree of Life that I would be remiss to not share with you was how my physical body completely transformed.  Again, a manifestation that was not expected and not even remotely in my realm of possibility at that time.

From 2009-2018, I had struggled with putting weight on my 5’10” frame, hovering around 135 pounds. 

But directly following my conversation with Martina in August 2018, I began to “feel” bigger.  My weight hadn’t changed, but I felt like I was taking up more space…and for the first time in my life, not scared or ashamed to do so.  And 2 months after the Universal Kabbalah Journey in Texas came to a close, I suddenly gained 30 pounds.  Not through eating more, exercising, or trying to gain weight…it just happened.  And my energetic presence and physical body aligned onto the same page.

This photo is from January 2109, weighing 165 pounds. Scroll back up to see the photo of me from Spring 2018 to see the difference! I became a whole new ME.

Especially in hindsight, I can see how all of this tied into my petition of “Self-Love.”  Perhaps you can see it, too.

In ascending the Tree of Life through Universal Kabbalah, I was empowered and freed to finally experience deeper clarity on both sides of that equation:  the Self, and who I truly am, and Love, and what Love actually is.  I was living according to so many myths about the Self and Love, and Kabbalah empowered me to remove those myths from my life once and for all.  I had access to the ancient Kabbalistic keys and the power of the Tree of Life to efficiently “debug” the misunderstandings, the crossed wires, the illusions, and the false narratives that interfered with me living as an eternal, spiritual being in this physical body here on Earth.  And I got to know what true Love is, not as an emotion or a feeling, but as a pure, unstoppable Force. And I got to discover it within me.

In my asking for Self-Love, my study and energetic experience of the Tree of Life supported me in receiving the power to know what that is, what it’s not, and the clear discernment to know the difference.  And as a result, I got to step forth in my life as Who I am, without shame or fear of taking up space, and extend a truer, more powerful Love to myself, others, and God in ways that were simply impossible before.

I got to know, understand, and most importantly, heal “it” - what I had moved to Texas in search of 16 years before!  And now that I had finally unlocked this new level of awareness that freed me from the patterns of self-sabotage and self-harm inherent in that default equation from my childhood, I no longer needed to stay in Texas.  I had accomplished what I had moved there for – experiencing Universal Kabbalah and becoming a Kabbalist - even though I didn’t know it consciously at that time. And as that chapter came to a close with a flourish, a new chapter was given the green light to begin.

Who I was and who I was learning to become by the end of the Universal Kabbalah Journey was a completely different human being.

I had no idea that I would ever be able to change and heal so much in such a short time – it was shocking in the best way!  And I’m glad I didn’t know, for it made the overcomings and breakthroughs all the more powerful and sweet…knowing that I have the power to change radically in the service of my Highest Good.  That that power, and the key, is within me, as it has always been and always will be…

(No matter how deeply I tried to hide it from myself.)

And now, in the upcoming year of 2022, I’ll be experiencing a full circle moment as I facilitate Universal Kabbalah here in Michigan for the 1st time!  To serve others in the Midwest United States who are seeking their own keys to unlock deeper healing, miraculous overcoming, and unprecedented transformation to finally find them.  To pay it forward!

So in sharing my experience with you, I hope it resonates with you.  To let you know a little bit more about me and my journey of transformation on my path as an Initiate through the Modern Mystery School. To let you know that there’s a way to free yourself from what’s stopped you all your life.  To serve you in creating order, cohesion, balance, and harmony with all the different and unique parts of yourself.  To serve you in finding your way home to yourself and Who you truly are.  To reclaim your full Power as it is needed in our world right now.

The key is there.  And it’s waiting for you, just as it was waiting for me.  Waiting for you to be ready to unlock the door and begin the epic and mysterious journey of Knowing Yourself. Remembering who you are. what you are, where you came from, where you’re going, and your true, sacred purpose. Waiting for you to give the green light for a new chapter to begin. Waiting for you to ascend.