Rising from the Ashes of Grief

I know a lot of us who are experiencing grief right now.

Loved ones crossing over.

Life chapters coming to a close.

Things we counted on to always be there fading away.

The indefinite interruption of routines, trajectories, and visions of what we thought our future would, could, or should be.

There's a lot of letting go that we're faced with.

And while I don't claim to be an expert on grief, I can speak from my own experience and the lessons I've learned in the past year with the passing of my father, the passing of dear friends and family, and the many deaths of who I thought I was or was supposed to be.

And I've learned that grieving is messy.

Grieving can be a sh*tshow with no intermission.

Grief doesn't fit neatly into any boxes of expectations, whether those expectations are mine, yours, or theirs.

Grief will call on us to be assertively vulnerable and ask for help.

And while it can feel abnormal and unnatural to feel so strongly, that is normal and natural of grief.

Grief is confronting and clarifying. It stretches us to feel, and most importantly, to experience emotions we would otherwise deflect, stuff down, or deny.

And while we may feel like we're in control when we reject our emotions and distract ourselves into not feeling or experiencing them, it’s actually quite the opposite. For every time we refuse to acknowledge our emotions, that’s when we allow them control over us.

To allow grief to flow through us is one of the most challenging, and the most empowering and liberating things we will do. Claiming our own power to heal and overcome. Grieving by feeling, experiencing, and accepting the range of our own emotions, whether they be anger, frustration, gratitude, loneliness, regret, joy, sadness, guilt, relief, confusion, or all of the above. And letting go of the judgment around what we feel, what it means, and why we should or shouldn't feel this way so we can receive the gifts of grief.

For me, this is one of the most valuable lessons I've learned (and continue to learn).

While it makes it no less difficult, when I stop making grief what I don't want and actually allow it to flow, it opens the door for me to grow, heal, and strengthen through my grief. Because I now know that grief comes not as a malicious thief of my happiness and joy. Rather, it comes as a messenger, and even a teacher, reminding us to cherish our lives, to cherish one another, to live more fully and exuberantly with passion and gratitude, and to stop wasting our time robbing ourselves of opportunities to live, and love, our lives with no regrets. To stop trying to live in the past or in the future. To live now, while I have the chance.

To set myself free.

So the timeline lies not with grief and when it's supposed to be done with us. The timeline, and the responsibility, is with us and when we will be done with grief.

When will you receive the message?

When will you cut ties with the attachments from the past that block you from healing and moving forward?

When will you surrender to the re-creation of your world?

That is what I have learned for myself in this past year of crossroads, peaks & valleys, and facing the darkness of the unknown. I hope it offers light to you as you grieve and make your own way through. And know that you're not, and never will be, alone in this. This too shall pass. And it will pass as you allow it to. For there is no right amount of time that any one of us should be grieving.

All there is is right now.