Transcending Victimhood
It’s been quite a year already, hasn’t it? Not even 6 months in, and so much has changed, so many circumstances have swung from one extreme to the other, so much has been shed, and new perspectives and possibilities are emerging into the light. Does this resonate with you?
If so - even just a little bit - you’re in good company!
2021 is year of completing cycles and initiating brand new beginnings. Which is exciting, right? Look at these past few months alone – life is moving fast! And it’s also a year of work, particularly inner work. And investing your time and energy in reflecting within to unearth the beliefs, patterns, and fears that restrain you from living your life to its fullest.
Too often, we justify what stops us by saying, “I’ve always been this way,” or by pointing the finger and assigning responsibility and blame to other people or circumstances for “making me do this.” Here are a few examples:
“Sorry I’m late again – traffic is horrible as usual.”
“I was having such a good day until he said that and triggered me. Now my day’s ruined.”
“You know my sign. I’m sensitive – you can’t get angry with me!”
“Social media makes me anxious every time I go on it.”
“You know how they feel about us. What’s the point in trying?”
“I had no choice!”
But sooner or later, we come to realize that this line of reasoning is part of the problem. The excuses and rationalizations aren’t solving what pains us. And while making the excuse or pointing the finger to protect our pride and ego might feel better for the moment, in the long run these choices actually serve to make the pain and suffering worse.
Why? Because they give your power away.
Each justification and excuse affirms that other people or other circumstances have the power…
Not you.
You don’t dictate how you feel, how you make decisions, and how satisfying or not satisfying your life is…
They do.
Many are unknowingly complicit in this dynamic because it feels safe. It can feel more secure when someone or something else is calling the shots, making the decisions, and directing us where to go. Almost like we’re being taken care of. Thus, these unconscious beliefs manifest in wanting or needing an external force to be responsible for how your life turns out.
So when it’s good, it’s good - and you’re happy to reap the rewards. But when it’s not so good, it becomes a shitshow. A crisis or attack that’s unfair and being inflicted upon you by someone or something else. And you wonder, “Who or what let this happen???” Because it’s not you, right? It couldn’t be you because you had no choice, no say, and no power in the matter. They did…right?
Speaking from personal experience, I know how this story plays out.
For decades, I lived my life in a carefully constructed bubble. I built my life around avoiding conflict, avoiding triggers to my trauma, and seeking out others who would participate in keeping me sheltered.
But we can’t avoid the “mess” of life, can we?
And as evasive and comprehensive as our strategies are to avoid difficulty and challenge, they’re inevitable.
And over time, witnessing how my relationships with friends, colleagues, and lovers kept falling apart in the same way (you’re self-absorbed and don’t give as much as you take”), how my conversation with my therapist hadn’t changed in over 10 years, and how the ambitious lengths I went to avoid the “mess” only appeared to bring about more mess, more work, and more overwhelm…I guess you could finally say that I had collected enough data.
Data to finally start challenging my deep-seated belief that I’m a victim to my life.
That life happens to me, rather than for me, and I that have no power to change it. That good things don’t come my way, and if they do, they reject me sooner or later.
I say “started” to challenge, because it didn’t happen overnight. Not at all! I didn’t adopt this belief overnight - it was built, reinforced, and strengthened over my entire life to that point. So rejecting it was a long, ongoing, hard fought process of intentionally questioning my foundation and discerning where the roots of this victimhood still reside in my subconscious.
And how did I know they were still there?
How did I know whether I was successful in pulling the roots up completely?
By watching myself respond to life’s challenges.
Allow me to share a prime example from 2011, just a few years into my explorations beyond my comfort zone.
After 16 years of aggressive pharmaceuticals intended to treat Bipolar depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, and panic attacks, with the support of my psychiatrist, I finally weaned myself off of all of them in the Summer of 2007. And in the years to follow, I began exploring alternative approaches in homeopathy, herbalism, and using food as medicine.
This led me to a fantastic woman who worked in a supplements and smoothie shop next to the gym where I taught fitness classes. At first, I would go in there just to get a post-workout smoothie for my drive home. But as we chatted and go to know one another, we became friends. She held a warmth and kindness that I wasn’t used to. In the past, maybe I would have been suspicious, thinking “she’s only nice to me because she wants to sell me something.” But wonderfully for me, I didn’t fall for that. And in spite of my doubts and fears, I started opening up to her and she opened up to me. And soon, my visit to the store following work at the gym – having long discussions about healing and the power of nature with this wonderful woman - became a highlight to my entire week.
During one visit, I was really struggling with cedar fever. Face like a glazed doughnut, uncontrollable sneezing, chills running through my body - not pretty. For those that don’t know, respiratory seasonal allergies are a big deal in Austin, TX. I was warned about this, and for the first few years, I experienced nothing and figured I might be one of the lucky ones. Then, 5 years after arriving, they hit me like a mack truck. And my new friend, in her compassion, offered me a natural remedy that she knew to be effective for her. She wasn’t sneezing up a storm, so I had hope! She gave me detailed instructions on how to use it and not to use it, and even gave me a discount. She was hopeful that I would feel better soon, and even gave me a hug despite how gross I was feeling.
And when I got home, I immediately took the remedy…but ignored her instructions. The dosage she suggested in order to help my body adjust and adapt gradually? I took 4x that because I wanted immediate gratification. And my cedar fever completely exploded.
I was so mad. I was miserable, I had to call into work for the next 2 days, I had to find subs for my classes, and in my mind, all because of this “stupid remedy that she told me would work.” And I never went into her store, or ever saw her or spoke to her, ever again.
Even writing this is a bit painful. As you may agree, “cringey.”
Because it’s so clear, right? How I sabotaged our friendship, how I sabotaged myself, and how I found a root to this belief and chose not to pull it up.
How I wrongly blamed her for a choice that I made because I didn’t want to be responsible for the consequences. How I cut her out of my life without a word because I couldn’t face the mess I’d made.
But there is a silver lining: I learned from this.
I soon went to a new store and began experimenting with similar remedies to the one she gave me in homeopathy. This time, I heeded the dosage and followed the instructions. And soon, I found one that worked for me that gradually eased my allergy symptoms over the next 7 years until they were manageable and just a fraction of what they were at the start. And I began to purchase several at a time, giving them to friends and colleagues who were struggling, so I could pay it forward. And I know, that if it hadn’t been for her, her kindness, and my reaction to that remedy, I may not have found my way to that homeopathic remedy that helped me, and so many others, to have hope and to heal. And I pulled the root up, forgiving myself for my ignorance and arrogance at the time, and allowed the lesson to make a positive ripple in the world.
So the moral of this story?
One of the most important ones is to know that you always have a choice. Always.
A choice to act or not act. To speak or not to speak. To listen or not to listen. To believe or not to believe. To have hope or not to have hope. And so long as you make that choice – whichever side it ends up on – then no one else can make that choice for you.
And therein lies your power.
The power to make a difference. The power to accept responsibility for changing your life. The power to learn and grow. And the power to inspire others with hope that change is possible and better days are to come.
This is key to growing up spiritually and elevating from spiritual childhood towards spiritual adulthood.
We must embrace learning in order to grow and evolve. And so long as we limit what we can learn by protecting our triggers, limiting our experiences, and restricting our perspective from expanding, we limit how much we can grow and how far we can evolve.
And those limits come not from external forces and entities, but rather from the choices we make and don’t make. The limits we choose from within.
So be mindful when an excuse or the urge to gossip, blame or judge wants entrance into your mind. You don’t have to let them in! And even if they do get in, they don’t need to make it to your mouth or what you choose to share on social media. The energy of what you put out into the world always finds its way back to you. Always, no exceptions.
So what kind of energy do you want coming back to you?
My encouragement is to accept the lessons of this revolutionary time on Earth and to take responsibility for how you apply them. Become aware of the excuses and justifications you’re used to making and to follow the bread crumbs back to their roots. What happens when you choose to not perceive yourself as a victim? When you say “No” to giving your power away and “Yes” to claiming responsibility and accountability for making the changes that you want in your life?
And use the data that you collect to discern what it truly means to be empowered and to use your voice, your platform, and your life, to make a positive difference that ripples for generations into our World.
P.S. - If you’re wondering how I made my way to this point of overcoming my lower self and rising above, I have to give a shout out to the classes I’ve experienced through the Modern Mystery School - particularly Empower Thyself, the Ritual Master Path, and Universal Hermetic Ray Kabbalah - and the guidance of countless teachers & mentors from all over the world. This transformative process of amplifying my self-awareness, eliminating the shadows of my ego and cleaning up the subconscious, and bringing more of God’s light into my life to serve myself and all those around me finally clicked and made sense after becoming a student of metaphysics and magick with the Mystery School. Like going from dial-up to high-speed internet. And the thoroughness and clarity of my growth and healing is not only significantly expanded, but most importantly for me, sustainable and self-regulated.
And the fruits of my inner work multiply day by day to benefit not only me, but all those around me and all those to come. I’m so grateful and proud to be a student and an Initiate representing this lineage and its Great Work of World Peace. It finally helped me to grow up.
Have questions and want to learn more? Let me know and we’ll schedule a chat over Zoom, phone, or in person. I am here to Serve you to grow, to evolve, and to shine. For in this time we all have the opportunity to transcend - let’s seize the moment!
