Integrity: Where has it gone?

In our world right now, examples of where integrity is a major question are endless and more visible than ever. From the drama and sensationalism of celebrities in the media, uproar regarding fairness and equality in all levels of athletics, the decisions and justification of those decisions made by world leaders addressing war and conflict, to the heated debate over inclusion and representation…you can see the ripples everywhere.

Where has the integrity gone?

The problem with that question is that it’s not the right one. When we focus on the lack and where others should have more integrity, the fruits of that will only lead us in circles through the blame and shame game. Finger pointing, hooking other people’s emotions in heated, mindless debates, making assumptions and expressing mere opinions as facts, and attacking individuals and calling all their accomplishments into doubt through attacking their character and campaigning for others to do the same. Look around and tell me I’m wrong - I wish I was. Sadly, it’s a reflex we’ve learned to be acceptable in this world.

But just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t make it right.

And to be transparent, while it may feel good in the moment to “win” and put someone in their place, to teach them a lesson, or to be effective in your gossip (whether it be on social media or in person), that rush never lasts long, does it? And each time we try to get that rush back by being “right” by proving others wrong, the rush only gets weaker as our energetic output to appease our ego grows further and further out of balance and we find ourselves in an addictive and vicious cycle of perpetuating division, keeping old wounds fresh, and creating the ideal environment for things to not change and war and conflict to thrive.

So if asking where the integrity has gone is the wrong question, what could be the right one?

What about “what is integrity?”

Close your eyes and reflect upon that for yourself without needing to be right and know the right answer. What is integrity for you from your own experience?

Because if we don’t know what something is and don’t have a clear and direct way of knowing how to detect it, there’s no way for us to discriminate it from other qualities for ourselves. You cannot change or modify effectively what you are either unaware of and/or what you cannot clearly discern.

Which sets the stage for others to do it for you and to influence your thoughts, beliefs, and actions in accordance with their objectives, often leading you further away from your own objectives, your own purpose, and the truths hidden within you. And while that may sound manipulative and abusive, realize that more often than we’d like to believe, we give away our own power willingly and volunteer ourselves to be influenced. Wanting others to tell us what is right and what is wrong, what is true and what is false, what to do and what to believe.

Integrity is an inside job. And no matter the levels of gross injustice and dishonesty you witness in the world around you, you cannot change it for good without first addressing yourself and the injustice, dishonesty, and misalignment that exists within you (and therefore allows you to see it more clearly). Just like the oxygen mask in the airplane, you have to help yourself first before you do anything to help others.

So what is integrity? And how can you discern if you’re in integrity?

One dictionary definition for integrity is living in wholeness; undivided within.

For me, it's honoring my code of serving my Highest Good and neither compromising nor disrespecting my own character to please others, to be "right," or dim my own light. Further, it is choosing to remain in alignment with my own self, my middle pillar, my core, and to calibrate my own inner compass to guide me towards finding my way and staying on my path amidst the temptations to step off of it.

And from my own experience, my own integrity to serve my Highest Good and my Higher Self cannot be separated from the integrity of serving and strengthening the Highest Good of All. You cannot do one without also doing the other - it’s a package deal. Which conversely also means that indulging your Lower Self and disserving your own Highest Good also necessarily undermines and weakens the Highest Good of All.

I can look back, not even that far, to see the many times in my life where I sacrificed my integrity in order to check the boxes of living a successful life. Jumping through hoops, hungering for affirmation of my value, wanting so much for people to like me and need me, and being whoever others needed me to be in order to “keep the peace.” And underlying all of it is fear, guilt, and shame.

The fear that if they knew the "real me," they would reject me.

The guilt of purposefully concealing the truth from others and acting against myself.

The shame of carrying the belief that I’m inherently lacking, unworthy, or deserving of not belonging.

During those times, I lived my life as a performance, going through the motions to fit in and be normal, and I allowed that fear, guilt, and shame to get heavier and heavier. Ironically, those periods of my life were some of my most "successful" and "rewarding," in terms of money, recognition, status, and achievements. But inside, I felt disconnected from myself and my purpose. I felt stagnant, lost, and trapped in the life of my own creation. I felt like an impostor trying to fit in so desperately to where he doesn’t belong anymore or where he may have never belonged in the first place.

And in each of those times, I've reached a point of deciding that I no longer wanted to be somewhere I don't belong, living my life as someone else other than me, and bearing that burden of suffering myself the fear, guilt, and shame and missing the mark on purpose. A point where I needed to stop pretending and shatter my own walls, my illusions, and my own belief that I was anywhere near integrity.

And in that process of undoing the internalized expectations, unlearning the stories I convinced myself to be true, shedding the masks and breaking down the walls, and inevitably confronting my fears of rejection, letting others down, hurting people's feeling, and being found out as the real me, I grew exponentially.

Every time. Transmuting the pain and suffering of rejecting my wholeness and redirecting it to bringing myself together in a new way that reveals rather than conceals. Like a rubber band stretched as far as it will go without snapping, and then being released to fly free. Like a bulb laying dormant and hidden in the ground over Winter only to suddenly burst through the soil and reach for the Sun in a celebration of rebirth. For just as I know that the suffering of holding onto my fear, guilt, and shame is a red flag that I am out of integrity with myself, I know that the freedom, the joy, and the desire to grow and express myself is a sign that I’m in integrity (even, and perhaps especially, if it may be uncomfortable and when life is at its most uncertain).

My work and my purpose is to focus not on the external and the superficial, like the drama, the pettiness, and small-minded antics of the world around me. But rather on the internal and foundational and what I can do to be in the world but not be of it. Focusing on my wholeness. My character. My mending and healing of what is not intact. My joy and my passion. My self-acceptance and self-love. My Higher Self. My code of living life alive. Realigning, reconnecting, and remembering who I Am.

My wholeness is already here, if only I will stop picking it apart in order to fit in and creating wedges to disconnect myself from experiencing the bigger picture of who I am wholly and who I was actually born to become.

So remember that integrity, as with almost everything else, is an inside job. If you desire to experience more integrity in the world around you, rather than pointing it out and spinning your energy to continue emphasizing, and thus growing, the lack of justice, honesty, and freedom, choose to observe the reflection and accept the opportunity to be in more integrity yourself. To confront and debunk the fear, guilt, and shame that underlie the beliefs that you’re supposed to be someone you’re not and fit in somewhere you know you don’t belong. To grant yourself permission to grow, uncomfortable and uncertain as it may be, by saying Yes to serving your Highest Good. And to take your power back by Knowing Who You Are from within and fine tuning your frequency to cut through the distraction, temptation, and resistance so you can hear the voice and guidance of your Higher Self more clearly. ALL of which benefits, and empowers, the manifestation of the Highest Good for All.

Your wholeness is already there, as is the wholeness of all those around us. And while picking ourselves apart and picking each other apart may be part of our status quo, it doesn’t have to remain that way. Let’s stop kicking the can down the road. Let’s stop separating from ourselves, from one another, and from God above and the spark and breath of God within each of us. Know your own integrity, and thus know how to think, feel, and act in integrity with yourself so the cycle can end with you.

And through your courage, your commitment, and your desire to grow, benefitting and strengthening our Highest Good so that it may finally be freed to see the Light.